There is being scared for yourself & then there’s being scared your baby may not make it + that is a whole new level of fear I didn’t even know was possible pre-motherhood. This pic shot by my hubby extraordinaire Aaron @afrancisphoto taken in 2016 was captured just moments before they prepped me for an emergency caesarean taking our baby boy out 10 weeks early very unexpectedly.
Being a second time parent we thought we know what to expect, but the NICU is an entirely different universe compared to having a full term baby that then goes into a room with you. Ashton was taken away from me moments after birth, I saw a glimpse of him then and on my way to my ward and that was it for the first day. I had to wait a very long night and day until they would take me down to the NICU to see him again. That wait was beyond excruciating and was compounded by the fact I was in a shared room with another women who had her brand new newborn baby with her. Every time that gorgeous baby cried my body reacted physically and my heart would ache to be hearing/seeing/smelling/cuddling/feeding my baby, all things I didn't get to do for days/weeks/months...
That is why I do NICU Cheer, if I can alleviate those feelings for one parent even just one time for one moment I am happy, because there is no pain or fear like that of worrying about your baby(ies).
